Sunday, January 8, 2012

The One that Keeps Coming Back

So what do you do when someone who has caused you so much pain comes running back? 

It is quite difficult to let anybody back in once they hurt you. Whether it's a friend or a previous lover, once burned it is hard to trust again. 

Today I am strictly talking about the one running back in relationships. I've always gone by the theory that no matter what people tell you, you’re going to do what you want anyway. So I come to a crossroads when a friend asks me for advice about an ex coming back into the picture, when I spent so much time mending the pain he initially caused. There are always exceptions and it ultimately comes down to why you broke up in the first place. One of the most clichéd quotes that describe situations like this is, "you don't know what you have until it's gone". Men can be so one dimensional therefore clichés stick so well.

Sometimes if the man is lucky enough you give him a second chance, but ladies you have to know that sometimes a man is so lethal you MUST let him go. Of course there is probably no better feeling than having someone crawl back. For them to feel just 1/10 of the pain of not having what they want compared to what you have suffered. There are a few ways to go about this. I have seen firsthand two very different situations happen that I am going to share. 

B- Boy G-Girl
Couple A: B and G have been together for a total of 4ish years. In that time period B has broken up with G about 3 different times all for basically the same reason. It usually ends up with "he isn't happy anymore", well turns out after about an average of two months he comes running back every single time. All in all this B is very good to G except he has the same routine when it comes to break ups, which is simply selfish. The last break up though lasted the longest and G really changed. She realized that being in this relationship for so long has stopped her from going out and having a good time with friends. In this time between she developed a different lifestyle and when he came back and wanting another chance, she gives him an ultimatum. G was extremely distraught after the last break up and she really did have to turn her life upside down. It doesn't take a day to just get over it, remember what you had, and get back into a relationship. Lucky for him she gave him two options; 1. Stick around, accept my life as it is, and try to win me back or 2. Give up now because this isn't going to come easy. Smart B goes for option 1 and couple A are trying to restore what the once had, but remember B three strikes and you are out.

Couple B: Like couple A couple B have been together for about 4 years. Those four years though have been nothing but easy. A lot of heart ache was laced in this relationship and trust was a big issue. G made a few mistakes but B was not an easy person to deal with. Sometimes teenage love is hard to just get over. So the last year of their relationship was filled with nasty actions and G trying to make it work. Seems like 6 months later B realized what an amazing G he lost. Because it came to a point at the end where G just couldn't do it anymore, and she realized she didn't have to. She finally understood what she was worth. Now, G obviously still cares about B, but in my opinion the only factor that should bring them back together is B's sincere attempt to sweep her off her feet. Sometimes it takes a little maturity and time apart to help boys change. Change is definitely possible, but if it’s just back to the old ways, it’s time to move on. 

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